#3

Well, I don’t want to say the way the first installment made me feel was some kind of fluke, but it sure seems that way.  When my Dr came into the room today and asked me how I felt, I could see that he expected me to say-not very well- Like there is a pattern to these that he just hasn’t told me about.  He told me he’s not sure why the first one made me feel so good.  I may chalk it up to psychosomatics.  I think I just wanted it so badly that my brain refused to accept the pain signals my bladder sent.   I have after-all used that power of my brains persuasion to get into a sort of remission.  I used to go into them every other week when I was receiving my native American healing.  Because I’m so spiritual,  I will never say that there aren’t people in the world who can harvest the ancient healing energy our ancestors once used.  But I also cant discount the power of the brains persuasion.  But more on the mind, body and spirit connection later, back to my installation…

So, as I said, I have been feeling not quite my usual self.   I always have a tolerable burning pain in my abdomen even through the medication.  After all, opioid will never eliminate all the pain, only make it tolerable.  And I will admit the reason for these installations was because I seemed to be having flares everyday. But having a cath inserted through my urethra and into my bladder produces a pain when the lidocane wears off, that makes me want to scream foe mercy.  Over dramatic? I wish.  It doesn’t help that my DR, although compassionate has decided to make me his cath guinea pig…using the big one instead of the smaller one.  “lets see if she feels the difference between the thicker and thin one” Now, it is true that I usually dont mind exploring the truth and myths in what people say, especially when it comes to my own medical condition and beliefs, but when it comes to my urethra, if not just for the sake of fooling myself, give me the smallest cath you can find!  And because I;m going to pretend its all the caths fault as to why I’m feeling this way, I’m going to say there is a difference.  Hence why my first one(the pediatric cath) didn’t leave me in the same pain. 

But this one was definitely more uncomfortable than the first.  I had muscle spasms on my 30 minute drive home.  But once I did get home and turned to my best friend, the heating pad, things definitely calmed down.  I think I did find the secret to holding in the heparin for an astounding amount of time.  I usually schedule my appointment  right before or after  my med  time.  But I always save my breakthrough pain medication for after.  Today I went early to my app and had to wait 2 1/2 hours to take it! But it worked out perfectly.  Although at times it was painful to say the least I did everything I could do to hold it in on my own.  Which usually means logging onto the Internet and looking up anything that could distract me.   I just took it every 20 minuets, telling myself I would void at 2, then 2:20 and so on.  Until I could take my mediation.  Once I took it the pain subsided a bit and I held it forabout hour.  Then I took my breakthrough medication and held it for another hour…and by the time 6pm rolled around I had gone 4 1/2 hrs! Granted by the time I voided I felt like my bladder was going to come out with it.  But that pain subsided after about 10 minutes and didn’t re appear until almost 9pm. 

So for me that is the secret, hold it myself until I go mad and then sooth it with my meds.  Not taking it right before or after.  Unfortunately things did feel the same this morning as they have since the second day of my first treatment, but I’m trying to keep a good attitude in that its only my third one.  My doc days he wants to do 6 in a row.  I don’t know what happens after that, but I’m halfway through.  And I’ve decided that I will disregard his notion of impossibility, being unable to hold it in for 8 hours. He has to know once you tell someone somethings not possible, there thought eventually turns to beating the odds.  after all, 4 1/2 hours is a little more than half way.  And even if these don’t work(which I’m refusing to beieve right now) accomplishing some sort of goal you set for yourself has to count for something.  Even if I can never do it, when you have IC setting a goal, even if it seems ridiculous to others, is 1/2 the battle won!

Thank God for my pain management Dr!!! 

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